if you want to make an apple pie....

I had cried the night before, twice actually, and also the day before that.  I felt sadness in every fiber of my being.  Tears welled up in my eyes so many times that day I lost count. The reality of the situation had finally started to sink in.  But, as I began my drive home, having just said goodbye to one of my dearest friends, I couldn't cry.  I was on the verge of a breakdown as I walked up to front door of their house, and again when she played an Andrew Bird song her sister in law sent her in an attempt to shed some of her super-nervous energy. But when we stood in the driveway saying our final farewell, making plans for future trips and promising one another snail mail packages of randomness, giving hugs and discussing Peruvian druglord murder techniques, I realized that the tears had dried up.  I didn't feel any less emotional, the sense of loss hadn't dissappeared, I just didn't cry.  I got in my car, turned on the radio and drove off.  On the way back to my house I wanted so badly to bawl my eyes out at the thought of her moving so far away. I had all the build up and sorrow needed for a good old fashioned,  "The Notebook" style loud cry.  I felt like a little piece of my heart and soul were being taken away with her to Austin.  On the freeway Pandora seemed to be playing the perfect songs, a huge storm was brewing behind me sending flashes of lightning down through the purple clouds, and a sense of assurance slowly washed over me.  Yes, I was selfishly upset that my friend was leaving, and although I would miss her dearly I knew in my gut that things were falling into place perfectly for her, and this was the beginning of an amazing adventure.  I know that she feeling was hesitant, and nervous- fearing the worst and wondering if it was the right decision.  Scared that friendships built with the people she was leaving behind, the ones that she had grown the closest to, would stay behind and slowly fade away. Afraid of starting over in a whole new place, one that was so different from Vegas.  But something was telling me, with 100% certainty, that everything was going to work itself out. This is where she was meant to go. Everything would be fine.  Sometimes the connection that one person has with another in life is beyond just friendship and love.  It runs deeper, goes back further.....fucking, dying star molecules light years ago kind of shit.  These connections can transcend all distance, space and time.  They are powerful, effortless, magical bonds. This is one of those friendships. She was a lifer.....friends until the very end. No need for tears, or even goodbyes, because I would be seeing her again very soon.