It’s funny how life works sometimes. Funny and fucked up simultaneously. You find yourself in a situation that is unexpected, fun, wonderful, exciting and you go along with it. You don’t get too caught up, and you don’t allow yourself to over think it like you’re known for doing. You just carry on, floating down the river of life, and you let things unfold and develop naturally. You think things are going in a certain direction and after awhile you start to think you have it figured out. It’s a good direction, you’re happy. You start to let yourself get comfortable in your current state. As soon as you are certain that you’ve got the situation figured out, and you look to the future and try and imagine where it could go and how it’s going to turn out, it all comes crashing down. The way you perceived the situation was not actually how things were. It wouldn’t be going in the direction you imagined, and the understanding you had of the events leading up to that point all went out the window. You’re left confused, and hurt. Understandably upset, a bit angry. You let that sadness creep in for a few days. You embrace it, let it settle and then you start to pick yourself back up. Piece by piece you reevaluate the current circumstance. Try and look at things in a new light to gain some understanding of where it all went wrong and how your perception became so off. You slowly distance yourself and become accepting of the way things are, even if they are not the way you wished they would be. You dust off and start the process of moving on. Each day it’s a little easier to deal with this new change, the twist in the road that sent your heart and mind into an emotional head on collision. You’re doing ok, that is until life tilt number two comes along. The realization by the other party involved that a mistake had been made, you were right all along. Things were in fact going how you initially thought, down the road you had wanted and headed in the direction that you envisioned things heading. They try and take back things said, actions carried out and want to just revert back to the way it had been before.
What.the.fuck.
You had just spent so much time trying to heal yourself mentally and emotionally, trying to accept the harsh realities that were handed to you. You simply wanted to move on and not be too broken about the situation. You were resigned to the fact that it was the way it was. There was nothing more to be done. Just when you were beginning to do this, and feel confident that you are better off with things turning out this way, it all gets shaken up again. Confusion, doubt, and a little bit of anger set in all over. The analyzing begins, and you question yourself, past and present situations, conversations and actions, trying so hard to find clues that will give you the answers you need to make a decision, the right decision. What to do, which way to turn. Now the direction you will be going lies entirely in your hands. It’s a god damned roller coaster that feels like it’s very near to running off the tracks. You want to laugh, cry, puke and scream your head off all at the same time. Why couldn’t this all just be simple? Do you attempt to get back on track hoping to pick up where you had left off, do you cut ties and carry on alone, do you test the waters for a little while just putting your feet in to see how it goes before fully cannonballing right back into the pool? Things shouldn’t be this complicated. Maybe the answer is right there at your feet, but you have to take a few steps back to see it……Or maybe you should just get a dog and be single for the rest of your life…..
No comments:
Post a Comment